So when I registered this domain and fired up this blog, I didn’t have a clear purpose for what I wanted to use it for. This morning I came to the conclusion that for now I will use it to get myself started each day. The great challenge of getting something accomplished is getting started. Each day is a new challenge. Even if you are stellar one day and get plenty done, the next day you wake up you have to force yourself to get started all over again. This blog will be used as a starting point each day, as to get myself some positive momentum for getting work done. A large personal challenge of mine is that when I wake up in the morning I feel completely unmotivated. Usually when I’m heading off to bed I have grand ideas and feelings for changing the world for a better place, but when I wake up this has all evaporated.
It is fascinating how I continue to avoid doing certain things that I need to do despite actually wanting to get them accomplished. I cannot get myself to go to bed on time. I have been able to get myself to wake up at a good time each day, but this doesn’t help much when I’m not going to bed in time to get a decent amount of sleep. I thought that if I woke up early enough each day it would force me to go to bed at a reasonable time by default. Instead I find that I have been taking naps at odd times throughout the day or even night. This isn’t the a good plan.
What is a good plan is writing each day to get myself day as the first thing I do. If I can get myself in a content-creating mood, it will set me up for success for the rest of the day.
The biggest thing that has been haunting me recently is the idea of “what am I actually contributing to the world?”. I often ask myself “have I earned this?” I have so many amazing things in my life, but have I actually worked for them? I put in countless years and hours into my previous job, but how much was I actually contributing, and was it worth what I was being paid? I’m not looking to beat myself up, but I need to start pointing myself towards the direction of helping and contributing value to the world around me.
There was recently a story on Reddit about how the Chinese government decided to eliminate 2/3 of television programs, as they thought it was causing a climate of “excessive entertainment”. In the comments there was a discussion about how America was obviously suffering from this, but that the government was not going to step in and stop us. (At least not yet.) It made me realize that it is up to us turn off Jersey Shore and get some shit done. Now the problem isn’t the occasional watching of an episode of Jersey Shore, but the over consumption. There is nothing wrong with eating a delicious meal, but when you’re gorging yourself constantly there is a big problem. This is not a scientific statement, but the U.S. must be the world’s largest consumer of everything at all times. Now you need both creator and consumer to make the current world system go-round, but when your society or you personally face a large creation to consumption gap, there is a big problem. You get too fat, you get too lazy, and you get disconnected from the “source”. Those who create tap into something. It is something that you can’t quite put into words, but anyone who has created or performed at a high level knows that when you’re in the “zone” you tap into something. When you are in consumption mode, you never get a chance to tap into this.
If I can write in this blog each day, as a “warm up”, I can help myself get into that “zone”. Inspiration does not strike the inactive. You have to be moving, and then something comes. You have to put yourself out there. The ego fears action because it knows that those when you are active and when you are creating and you head into that “zone” that the ego begins to fade. There is something inside of you that fears tapping into that source, it will resist. It will tell you to continue to consume, to entertain yourself with petty things. Hell, it might even be stuff that isn’t petty that you are using as an excuse to not create your own stuff.
Look around at your life. Look at all the shit. Look at it. Look at your physical shit. Look at your emotional shit. Look at your shit beliefs. So much shit. We build up so many distractions, we have so many things that we cling to, so much that disconnects us. There is something light and sleek inside of us. Underneath the flab of our possessions, beliefs, desires, etc is something infinitely light. Maybe there is nothing at all. That, however, is for a different rant.
So I started with this entry with the idea of creating momentum and getting myself warmed up, and I ended up with the idea of “no self”. Not exactly what I had in mind, but I’ll take it.